Working on a Dream




Monday, January 24, 2011

Baby Anthony, The Story. Part 3

I had a decision to make at this point. Stay with Christen or go with baby Anthony.
We both thought it best to go with baby A.
So me and my mom went up to West Penn.

When we got there, we rushed up to see him -and when we did he was on a cooling pad.
The reason for the pad was to reduce his swelling and to prevent any further damage.
By this time, they had figured out that he had compressed his cord and stopped the blood flow in his little body.

The next day I went and got Christen and we went right back to West Penn.
And it was there we stood with our little angel for the next days.
Family and friends were a constant support for us during this time.
And after finding a little room with a bed at the end of the hall, we now had somewhere to lay our heads.

On the third day the doctors said they did all they can for him and that they were going to take him off of all support.
Because I believe that there is more medicine that just what doctors can do…
We were relying on the other medicines.
The medicine of love that his two parents could give him
The medicine of the Lord Jesus.

He was now relying on these two powerful medicines.

Before the doctors took him off of support we had the entire family take a turn holding him.
We wanted him to experience our great family of love.
I have heard throughout my lifetime people saying, “I could not have gotten through this or that without my family/friends/faith”

Now I know now what that means.

Then, they took him off of the ventilators.
When they did this the doctor looked at us in the eyes and said
“You might have 1 minute, 5 minutes, or up to 20”

During this time, which felt like an eternity we waited for our son to pass on.
And after about 5 minutes he began this pattern…
-First he would turn blue. Then he would struggle for air.
-He then would return to a beautiful pink color just like any healthy baby.
-This went on not for minutes, or hours, but for days…

Because of our little sweetheart fighting to stay with us, the doctors allowed us to take him to our room.
There we held him, we loved him, we changed him, and we slept with him.
We tried to do all the things that every parent dreams of doing with their child.

Anthony fought to give us that gift.

After days of living out of bags and spending nights on the hospice floor, baby Anthony finally passed on.

Christen and I assured him each time that he struggled to do what he had to do.
We knew that wherever he was, he was in good hands.
So on January the 19th 10:10 p.m. Baby Anthony went to be with Jesus.

As I type this, I am numb.
People have been saying, “I cannot even imagine what you are going through
And my advice is please do not.
You or anyone you know should not ever have to experience what Christen and I just did.

At times I felt like if it were possible to bottle up all the pain on the earth
All the sorrow from the depths
And every teardrop that the people on this earth have ever cried
Then and only then would you know

But I wish this for no person.

What I have learned is next...


Michele said...

I have tears as I read this, especially as you discussed your son living beyond expectation. My first born son, Nicholas, was born a few hours shy of 16 weeks. He lived for almost an hour, which, I've been told is impossible. But he scored a 2 on his APGAR and lived from his birth until our MEDEVAC touched down at the children's hospital. It still touches me to know what is possible through Christ.

Continuing to send you loving thoughts and prayers...

Jessica said...

My heart aches for you and your family...I lost my twin sons almost two months ago and I know that no words can ease your grief. Please know that you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry about your loss. Truly heartbreaking. Here from LFCA.

Still A Guest Room said...

Here from LFCA. So incredibly sorry for your loss.

Frank and Dena said...

I find it amazing that baby A fought so hard beyond the dr's expectations to allow more time for you and your wife to spend with him. There was a little gap...did your wife have a routine dr apt when they found something wrong or was she in labor? I'm so very sorry you had to go through this. I will continue to pray peace,comfort, and healing for you and Kristen during this time.

Kim S said...

Dear Anthony & Christen,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I just read your blog through facebook friends that were praying for your sweet baby. My husband and I lost our little boy, Christian, four years ago to Trisomy 18. We were blessed with 105 days with him. As I read your blog I truly felt your pain. The loss of a child is something that no parent should ever have to go through. The Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep organization is a wonderful thing. In fact, Christian was born at West Penn and they had never heard of it before we had pictures taken of Christian. They told us they would make sure other families were aware of this wonderful organization and I am so glad they have. Please know my husband and I will be praying for you and your family. We pray that the Lord will give you the peace that only He can truly provide.

Cameron said...

What a terribly moving story. Your precious boy wanted to be by your side for as long as he could. What a testimony to the love you all three have for one another. I (briefly)know that gutwrenching heartache you could bottle up. My 14 week early preemie had no heartbeat but was revived but since has been diagnosed with an illness that will eventually cause her death. I wish there was something I could do for you and your wife. But, since I can't and nothing can make the hurt go away, I will continue to pray for all of you. You are two very special people and I know God is holding you tight!

kim hollifield said...

Dear Kristen and Anthony, This being one of the greatest mysteries of life, and I being very human will never understand, so words are hard to find. I am left with only one thought that our amazing God gave you the gift of time to hold and love your son.
With much love God bless you
Kim Hollifield

cgd said...

Here from LFCA~
I am in tears for your family and your sweet baby boy. Words cannot express how sorry I am for what you all are going through.
I lost a baby boy in the second trimester last year and I thought I would never recover. You are right that you learn so much about the strength and love of your family and friends. I also found a lot of support from this amazing community.
Sending love to you and your family. I am holding you and your sweet baby in my thoughts and heart.

Reba said...

i am here from a link on another blog (my life after loss). i am so very sorry for the loss of baby anthony. i lost my first two children, a boy and a girl who were twins, and it is the hardest thing i have ever gone through. you'll be in my thoughts.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I just pressed the follow button and NILMDTS is a wonderful company.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby Anthony. My heart is heavy with your sorrow. Praying for your comfort and strength. ((HUGS))

When you have time I would love to mail you a handkerchief from my FOR YOUR TEARS blog. You can email me at I will need your mailing address.

Anonymous said...

My heart is broken for you and your wife. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Yesterday was the four year anniversary of the day my son was stillborn. His cord had gotten wrapped around his neck. I still miss him terribly.

I will be praying that you and your wife will have a peace that passes understanding as you grieve the loss of your precious son.

God bless you,

Melissa Moss said...

First I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. You and your wife will be in my prayers. I too know the pain of losing a child and your description of that pain is so accurate. My daughter Emma Noelle passed away peacefully in my arms at 4 days old. Those days spent with her were the happiest and the saddest days of my life. I am so glad that I was able to get to know and love my sweet baby girl. Her life was a testimony to so many people and she touched so many people during her short little life. So many people were changed for the better because of her. I wish that NILMDTS was available at the hospital where my daughter was born. I really have very few photos of her and no photos with my husband and I together with her. That is my biggest regret. It makes me sad every day. I wish I had those memories to look at. Your son was so beautiful and again I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that your will feel peace during this time. Know that you are not alone... sadly there are many people out there that know what you are going through. I think that what family and friends need to know right now is that they need to let you talk about your sorrow when you feel the need, allow you to cry when you want and not pretend everything is okay when it's not. It will take time but with their support you will make it. ~Melissa

Diane - also a NILMDTS photog said...

I can't tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I'm so glad that you got to spend those (very difficult) days with your sweet son, so that you have the memories of him. Over time, I hope those memories grow less bitter and more sweet. How profound that you're both willing to share your loss in this way, that it may come to help others struggling with similar losses. Blessings to both of you (and to your NILMDTS photographer).

Lori said...

I also have tears as I type...reading through your Baby Anthony's story...each part seemed so, so (too) familiar to what happened to my husband and me when our first son was born on November 28, 2009. We had no idea that we were in for the shock of our he was born without a heartbeat, resuscitated, life-flighted, placed in the cooling chamber, and sadly lost his fight for his life...only 9 hours after he'd been born. My heart breaks for you as I know the pain you and your wife felt and I still feel as I remember...every day. God bless you and thank you for using your blog for such a worthy cause like NILMDTS. The pictures we have of our sweet son are priceless. I'm hitting "follow" next!

jenn said...

I understand the words "You or anyone you know should not ever have to experience what Christen and I just did." I have said those words to often. My family and I lost our son 30 months ago and we believe it was a cord compression also. I am so glad you had time with him before he went to Jesus. Our prayers are with you.