Working on a Dream




Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Baby Anthony: 1 Year later. The UNseen pictures, the UNrelenting pain of loss & the rest of the story.

-Baby Anthony
1 year ago,  The Unseen Picture's.

Above:  Me holding Anthony.
I was so nervous that I would to drop him!  Christen had to hold him and tell me how to place my arms so he didn't wiggle away.  Even today, it is very hard for me to look into my sons eyes. I feel as through he is crying out for me and I cannot help him.  I am haunted by this.  

Above:  This is one of my favorite pictures with little Anthony.
Those 9 days were endless; it seemed like they all morphed together...
Christen snapped this pic while her two boys were sleeping.
-I wish I could hold him like this now-

Above:  In Mommy's arms.
I watched Christen transform into the greatest mother in the world during this time.
Her strength, faith and unrelenting love were second to none.
Above:  Baby Anthony sleeping in his yellow hat. 
I swear he is the cutest little baby!  (and not just because he is my son or anything...)  
Above: A parent's worst nightmare.
It was really hard to be cheery during this time.  As you can see, little Anthony had to be attached to so many tubes just to give him a fighting chance. 
-This picture is both a joy & a terror for me to look at-

Above:  Me being dad.
It was very hard for me to adjust and to know what to do with Anthony. 
I am not the most gentle person in the world, so Christen was always an arms length away making sure I didn't do anything wrong!  It breaks my heart that I never had the chance to get the hang of handling Anthony.  I know that over time, I would have adjusted, and became comfy with my little sweat heart. 

I want to thank you all for lifting Christen and I up in your prayers over the past year.
I know that the short life little Anthony had here on earth has caused many of you to reflect and rethink your own life.
My hope and prayer is that all of this, from beginning to end, causes your knee to bow downward and your face to turn upward, to find the Savior, Jesus Christ. 

-Tomorrow, I will share with you some memories that did not make it into my blog last year.  For me, writing is a very therapeutic tool that helps me process and find healing. 


Nelly said...

Thank you for sharing these. So beautiful. Our prayers for you will continue.

Jane Porterfield said...

Hello again, Anthony. My heart goes out to you and Christen. I cannot imagine in my heart of hearts the pain that the loss of little Anthony caused in your lives. He's in heaven now, in God's arms. Although you can't hold him or see him, he is safe. He was lucky to have had the time that he did with you and Christen. Your words and the way you express them, show me how much you loved (and still do) this little boy.

I will continue to pray for you and Christen, to try to lighten the burden that you carry.

I wish nothing but sunshine and gratitude for you both.

Jane Porterfield

Michele said...

What beautiful pictures... Thank you. I especially love the one of the two "boys sleeping". Beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Anth__You. Chris and Little Anthony have been on my mind and in our prayers.
Your ANGEL will always be with you.
God Bless You and keep you strong.

Kathy said...

Anthony- With tear filled eyes and a heavy heart, I read your beautiful post today. I hope for you it has provided a source of healing strength. The grace of God will not take you were the grace of God will not keep you.

Lisa Kanarek said...

I know this was difficult for you to write. Thank you for sharing your insight. My prayers are with you both.

Stacy said...

This is my first visit to your blog, I'm not familiar with your story but my heart goes out to you. Your son was adorable and I will keep your family in my prayers.

Anthony K said...

Stacy, I am glad you stopped by...
Little Anthony was our little angel.

If you want, you can read the story that got this whole thing going. Just go the bottom of my page, and go from there...