Birthday Letter To My Son:
Anthony, today is your 2nd birthday.
It is hard to celebrate something so beautiful as the day you were born when you are not here to be celebrated. It seems like everyday I am reminded or thinking about you in some way. Since you were born, mommy and daddy have gone through so much, and we move on daily knowing you are with our Heavenly Father, and you are by our side. My favorite time, when it comes, is when I can smell the scent of your body in the air. I almost pass out trying to only breath in so that I can smell you for as long as I can. Sometimes I just think you are close, I knew your little soul, and I can feel your presence from time to time.
I can look back at your short life and I am still amazed at the fact that even though you could not speak, I knew what you were saying, I knew what you needed. I understand you could not stay, though my heart, mind, body and soul wish you were still here with me. Your yellow blanket stays with mommy every night, and sometimes when I hold it to my chest -I can feel you in it still. I can still feel your skin on my lips, and I will never forget that night I felt your soul leave us taking you away in flesh, forever.
Some people may say that your death is no different than any other loss, but I want you to know, mommy and daddy do not believe that for one second. You are our first born son, our heart, and a piece of each of our souls- that could never be understood by anyone, you were uniquely ours, uniquely part of mommy and daddy. If you are around and hear those things, I want you to know we will always be there for you, and stick up for you, even though you cannot physically stand by our side. I can see you when I look at the television, pictures of babies, or see little baby boys out, and mostly, I can see you when I look at your daddy. You looked so much like your daddy it makes my heart melt. Even your smile was breathtaking and heart-melting like your daddy’s. Your strength was like mommy and daddy too. That’s why I know you are now one of God’s soldiers, tougher than the rest.
I continue to thank God for giving me those 9 days with you and I thank you for keeping your strength to stay just a little while longer with daddy and me. I wanted 90 years, but I will always cherish those 9 days. I hope you are proud of daddy and me, and I hope we were everything you needed for your short stay here. I know you felt all of the love from all your family and loved ones who got to hold you -that was important to mommy. I also know you are receiving a lot of love in heaven from your family and loved ones, I hope we are all keeping you comfort in knowing how special and loved you are. If you were here, we would have a cake, candles, and decorations, but now, we are left with memories and heavy hearts.
Mommy doesn’t know how to celebrate your birth, when your death followed so quickly, so I hope you like my letter to share with you on the day you were born. I am sure you hear me and I am sure you can feel my heart, so you know the love that is here for you. I hope your presence and your smell never leave me.
I wish you were here.
In Love My Son,