Birthday Letter To My Son:
Anthony, today is your 2nd birthday.
It is hard to celebrate something so beautiful as the day
you were born when you are not here to be celebrated. It seems like everyday I
am reminded or thinking about you in some way. Since you were born, mommy and
daddy have gone through so much, and we move on daily knowing you are with our
Heavenly Father, and you are by our side. My favorite time, when it comes, is
when I can smell the scent of your body in the air. I almost pass out trying to
only breath in so that I can smell you for as long as I can. Sometimes I just think
you are close, I knew your little soul, and I can feel your presence from time
to time.
I can look back at your short life and I am still amazed at
the fact that even though you could not speak, I knew what you were saying, I
knew what you needed. I understand you could not stay, though my heart, mind,
body and soul wish you were still here with me. Your yellow blanket stays with
mommy every night, and sometimes when I hold it to my chest -I can feel you in
it still. I can still feel your skin on my lips, and I will never forget that
night I felt your soul leave us taking you away in flesh, forever.
Some people may say that your death is no different than any
other loss, but I want you to know, mommy and daddy do not believe that for one
second. You are our first born son, our heart, and a piece of each of our
souls- that could never be understood by anyone, you were uniquely ours,
uniquely part of mommy and daddy. If you
are around and hear those things, I want you to know we will always be there
for you, and stick up for you, even though you cannot physically stand by our
side. I can see you when I look at the television, pictures of babies, or see
little baby boys out, and mostly, I can see you when I look at your daddy. You looked so much like your daddy it makes my
heart melt. Even your smile was breathtaking and heart-melting like your
daddy’s. Your strength was like mommy
and daddy too. That’s why I know you are now one of God’s soldiers, tougher
than the rest.
I continue to thank God for giving me those 9 days with you
and I thank you for keeping your strength to stay just a little while longer
with daddy and me. I wanted 90 years, but I will always cherish those 9 days. I hope you are proud of daddy and me, and I
hope we were everything you needed for your short stay here. I know you felt
all of the love from all your family and loved ones who got to hold you -that
was important to mommy. I also know you are receiving a lot of love in heaven
from your family and loved ones, I hope we are all keeping you comfort in
knowing how special and loved you are. If you were here, we would have a cake,
candles, and decorations, but now, we are left with memories and heavy hearts.
Mommy doesn’t know how to celebrate your birth, when your
death followed so quickly, so I hope you like my letter to share with you on
the day you were born. I am sure you hear me and I am sure you can feel my
heart, so you know the love that is here for you. I hope your presence and your
smell never leave me.
I wish you were here.
In Love My Son,
Mommy -XOXO
8 comments:
The years dont get any easier nor does the pain fade, but knowing that our children are with Jesus and that we will see them again makes each day walkable. It will be five years in February since my twins died and it was 4 years last November that my son died (all due to severe prematurity), and I still mourn and ache, but the love... The love is stronger.
I know your son likes your letter :) It is beautiful and heartfelt. Peace and blessings to you on this special day.
I wish I could have given a hug to both of you.
I wish I could have given a hug to both of you...
Thank you both very much.
You are right; the years do not make it easier...
And anytime you want to send over hugs, Ill take them!
That was beautiful Christen. He knows you love him. You and Anthony are in my prayers. I thank God that soon you will see your sweet baby again.
That was beautiful Christen. He knows you love him. You and Anthony are in my prayers. I thank God that soon you will see your sweet baby again.
That was beautiful Christen. He knows you love him. You and Anthony are in my prayers. I thank God that soon you will see your sweet baby again.
That was beautiful Christen. He knows how much you and his daddy love him. Praying for you both and thanking God that you will see your darling baby boy again soon, (((hugs)))
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