The Black Feather
Ever heard of Occam's Razor?
Its basic tenet is, "The simplest explanation is usually the right one."
Many use Occam's Razor as a means to slice through a problem/situation in order to eliminate unnecessary steps.
Today, I would like to apply Occam's Razor to conflict. Jesus said, "If you have an issue with someone, the best way to handle the difficulty is to simply go to them (Matt. 18)." Face to face. Toe to toe. Heart to heart. It's a rather direct approach.
It's a rather gutsy one too. The genius is found in its simplicity.
Just think for a moment just how many other ways you and I handle conflict:
-The Ostrich approach (ignore it).
-The Bursting a blood vessel approach (do you really need an explanation)?
-The Big Daddy approach (cover it up).
Possibly the most dangerous approach is the "Black Feather" approach.
Below, I will share a short story that illustrates this powerfully.
In a small German village, a woman differed from her minister and became so angry that she began spreading ugly rumors about him around town. As fate would have it, she eventually became ill and called on the minister to pray for her. He came gladly, and she asked his forgiveness for her gossiping. "I will grant you forgiveness," the minister said, "but there's something you must do."
"I'll do anything," the woman said.
"As soon as you get well, go pluck the feathers from a black chicken and put them into a basket, and bring them to me." When the woman got well, she did what the minister asked her to do and presented the basket of feathers to the minister.
"You did well," the minister said. "Now take this basket of feathers and scatter them in the corners of the marketplace and from the towers of the church. Scatter them throughout the town. Then return to me."
So the woman did.
Its basic tenet is, "The simplest explanation is usually the right one."
Many use Occam's Razor as a means to slice through a problem/situation in order to eliminate unnecessary steps.
Today, I would like to apply Occam's Razor to conflict. Jesus said, "If you have an issue with someone, the best way to handle the difficulty is to simply go to them (Matt. 18)." Face to face. Toe to toe. Heart to heart. It's a rather direct approach.
It's a rather gutsy one too. The genius is found in its simplicity.
Just think for a moment just how many other ways you and I handle conflict:
-The Ostrich approach (ignore it).
-The Bursting a blood vessel approach (do you really need an explanation)?
-The Big Daddy approach (cover it up).
Possibly the most dangerous approach is the "Black Feather" approach.
Below, I will share a short story that illustrates this powerfully.
In a small German village, a woman differed from her minister and became so angry that she began spreading ugly rumors about him around town. As fate would have it, she eventually became ill and called on the minister to pray for her. He came gladly, and she asked his forgiveness for her gossiping. "I will grant you forgiveness," the minister said, "but there's something you must do."
"I'll do anything," the woman said.
"As soon as you get well, go pluck the feathers from a black chicken and put them into a basket, and bring them to me." When the woman got well, she did what the minister asked her to do and presented the basket of feathers to the minister.
"You did well," the minister said. "Now take this basket of feathers and scatter them in the corners of the marketplace and from the towers of the church. Scatter them throughout the town. Then return to me."
So the woman did.
She walked from one end of town to the other, scattering the feathers. Then she returned to her pastor. "I have done as you asked," she said.
"Very well. Now take your basket and collect all the feathers. Make sure not one is missing."
"But that is not possible!" the woman said with a choking cry. "The wind has carried many of them away.
"So it is with your words," the minister said. "While I have gladly forgiven you, do not forget that you can never undo the damage your untrue words have done."
I read the following account of Socrates and thought it would fit nicely with the lesson above.
In Ancient Greece, Socrates had a great reputation of wisdom. One day, someone came to find the great philosopher and said to him:
- Do you know what I just heard about your friend?
- A moment, replied Socrates.
- The three sieves?
- Yes, continued Socrates. Before telling anything about the others, it's good to take the time to filter what you mean. I call it the test of the three sieves.
The first sieve is the TRUTH. Have you checked if what you're going to tell me is true?
- No, I just heard it.
- Very good! So, you don't know if it's true.
We continue with the second sieve, that of KINDNESS. What you want to tell me about my friend, is it good?
- Oh, no! On the contrary.
- So, questioned Socrates, you want to tell me bad things about him and you're not even sure they're true?
Maybe you can still pass the test of the third sieve, that of UTILITY. Is it useful that I know what you're going to tell me about this friend?
- No, really.
- So, concluded Socrates, what you were going to tell me is neither true, nor good, nor useful. Why, then, did you want to tell me this?
"Gossip is a bad thing. In the beginning, it may seem enjoyable and fun, but in the end, it fills our hearts with bitterness and poisons us, too!
Any reasonable person will see that out of all the alternative options, the direct approach is certainly the best. It is also the toughest --let's be honest, nobody is running to the front of the line when it comes to conflict resolution. One of my favorite quotes is Thomas Watson's, "What fools are they who, for a drop of pleasure, drink a sea of wrath." This is precisely what happens when you and I choose to let things fester within our hearts by not going directly to the source of our conflict. In a real way, it is like we gladfully go to the shelf, pour ourselves a glass of destruction and drink it straight down. Your life will be better off if you put that glass down and get direct when handling conflict. When you do, you will switch that old glass of wrath for a fresh goblet of peace.
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