The Girl with Two Apples

A Story: 

A little girl was standing in the kitchen holding two apples with both hands. One green.  One red.  

Her mom came in and softly asked her daughter with a smile,  “Sweetie, could you give your mom one of your two apples?”

The little girl looked up at her mom for some seconds, then she suddenly took a quick bite of one apple, and then quickly of the other.

The mom felt the smile on her face freeze and her anger boiled over as she watched her daughter bite both apples. The mother then scolded her daughter and sat her in time-out.  

After a few minutes, as the mother’s cool returned, she asked her daughter why she would bite both apples.  The little girl explained that she bit the apple to find out which one of the two was sweeter for her to offer.  

Lesson:  Delay your judgment so that you may find out the reality of the situation.  Mismanaging conflict notoriously leads to deeper problems such as: destroying reputations, gossip, character assassination, and alienation from others. 

There is a tremendous formula provided in the Bible that connects with the above story.  Jesus teaches in Matthew 18:15,  “If someone sins against you, go and confront them while the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won them back.”  The original context of this passage is related to the Church, however, this principle can be applied broadly to most conflicts. This approach will ensure that you hear firsthand about the situation.  During your time with the person, you can ask questions and find out many things that were assumed.  For example, you may find out what the person’s motives were or if there was any miscommunication.  At the end of the day, you may still not see eye to eye, but this approach at least allows the parties to share with one another.  

If the mother had been curious about her daughter’s behavior, rather than jumped to conclusions, she would have praised her child for being so considerate.  Instead, her assumptions led to punishment.  

The Black Dot

The Black Dot

One day a professor entered the classroom and asked his students to prepare for a surprise test. They waited anxiously at their desks for the test to begin. The professor handed out the question paper, with the text facing down as usual. Once he handed them all out, he asked his students to turn the page and begin. To everyone’s surprise, there were no questions….just a black dot in the center of the page. 

The professor seeing the expression on everyone’s face, told them the following: “I want you to write what you see there.”

The students got started on the inexplicable task.

At the end of the class, the professor took all the answer papers and started reading them aloud in front of all the students. All without exception, described the black dot, trying to explain its position in the middle of the sheet. 

After all had been read the professor began to explain:

“I am not going to grade on you this, I just wanted to give you something to think about. No one wrote about the white part of the paper. Everyone focused on the black dot – and the same happens in our lives. We have a white paper to observe and enjoy, but we always focus on the dark spots. Our life is a gift given to us by God, with love and care, and we always have reasons to celebrate – nature renewing itself every day, our friends around us, the job that provides our livelihood, and the miracles we see every day.

However, we insist on focusing only on the dark spots – the health issues that bother us, the lack of money, the complicated relationship with a family member, and the disappointment with a friend.

The dark spots are very small compared to everything we have in our lives, but they are the ones that pollute our minds.

Where is your focus?

Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

This morning I opened up Instagram to see the following pictures:  

I was instantly reminded of a book by author and leadership expert, John C. Maxwell, "The Difference Maker," where he quotes an excerpt from a speech given by Barbara Bush that has found its way into most funerals I perform:

“We get on board that train at birth, and we want to cross the continent because we have in mind that somewhere out there is a station. We pass by sleepy little towns looking out the window of life strain, grain fields and silos, level grade crossings, buses full of people on the roads beside us. We pass by cities and factories, but we don ‘t look at any of it because we want to get to the station. We believe that out there is a station where a band is playing and banners are hung and flags are waving, and when we get there that will be life s destination. We don ‘t really get to know anybody on the train. We pace up and down the aisles looking at our watches eager to get to the station because we know that life has a station for us.”

“The station changes for us during life. To begin with, for most of us, it’s turning 18, getting out of high school. Then the station is that first promotion and then the station becomes getting the kids out of college, and then the station becomes retirement and then–all too late–we recognize the truth: that this side of that city whose builder is God, there really isn’t a station. The joy is in the journey and the journey is the joy. Sooner or later, you realize there is no station and the truth of life is the trip. Read a book, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, hug a child, go fishing, laugh more. The station will come soon enough. And as you go, find a way to make this world more beautiful."

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There is this verse in the New Testament book of James that reads, "Your life a vapor that appeareth for a little time, and afterward, vanisheth away." (Jm 4:14).  

Would you do something for me?

Imagine you are sitting at your bedside moments away from dying.

You are taking your last breaths of life.

You then are transported back...

Back to a time in your life surrounded by your children, family, and friends.  

And you are somehow given another chance... 

A chance to do it all over again.  From that moment onward.

What changes would you make? 

How would knowing what you know now, altar your viewpoint so that you lead more a fulfilled life?

A prayer.  Father, teach me to appreciate the gift of life and the moments that fill them up with an eye on what is truly important. 

What do YOU see???

Every year my daughter and I get new a pair of glasses.  She insists that I pick out a fancy pair during these appointments, but I have stuck with the same frame for the past 3 years.  She, on the other hand, likes to choose a couple of frames that usually are, according to her, “fancy.”  At the end of the day, after the kids are in bed I always get a head start on the morning routine which includes packing lunches, getting books bags ready, and so on.  During that time, one element that never gets skipped is holding up her glasses to the light as I ready to clean them.  Invariably, there are thick smudge marks all over her lenses.  I take a special wipe and simply swirl the smudges off, and wha-la!  Clean lenses for her to see the world the next day. 

Can I share a story about the way people see the world with you?  

There was once a wise old man sitting at the gate of an ancient city. A young traveler stopped before entering the city and asked the old man, "What kind of people live in this town?" The wise man answered with a question, "What kind of people were in the town you just came from?"

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"Oh, they were liars and cheats and thugs and drunks, terrible people," the young traveler replied. The old man shook his head, "The people in this town are the same way."

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Later another stranger paused to ask the same question, and again the wise man questioned his questioner, "What kind of people did you just leave?"

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The second traveler answered, "Oh, I left a fine town. The people were good and kind and honest and hardworking." The wise man smiled and said, "The people in this town are the same way."

Author John Maxwell teaches a concept called, The Lens Principle. The basic idea is that you and I are walking around with a pair of invisible glasses on our faces; those lenses will determine how we see the world.  

 

IF you are trusting you will see others as trustworthy.

IF you are critical, you will see others as skeptical. 

There is this powerful short verse in the book of Titus which states, “To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; but both their minds and their consciences are defiled” (Tit. 1:15). This Scripture teaches that the attitude of your heart will determine how you perceive the world.  This is why Zig Ziglar said, “Life is an echo. What you send out, comes back. What you sow, you reap. What you give, you get. What you see in others, exists in you.” 

Is time to get that lens cleaner out?  

What is the rarest thing on Earth?

Have you ever noticed that when something is hard to come by, it becomes valuable?

Take, for example, former Major League star Honus Wagner.  According to Wikipedia, Wagner played for the Pittsburgh Pirates and was known as "The Flying Dutchman.”  His baseball card was designed and issued by the American Tobacco Company (ATC) from 1909 to 1911 as part of its T206 series. What many do not know is that Wagner refused to allow the production of his baseball card to continue, either because he did not want children to buy cigarette packs to get his card or because he wanted more compensation from the ATC. Therefore, the ATC ended production of the Wagner card, and only 50 to 200 cards were ever distributed to the public.

Nobody would ever argue that Wagner was the greatest ballplayer ever to walk the diamond, yet, someone paid 7.2 million dollars for one of his difficult-to-find baseball cards.

Why would someone do this? The answer is that the Honus Wagner card is extremely rare.  When something is hard to come by, difficult to find, or out of your reach...the value always goes UP.

Speaking of rarity, I recently was made aware of some statistics related to children and parenting that I was unaware of. 75% of the time you’ll ever get to spend with your kids is over by the time they turn 12. 90% of your time with them is gone by the time they’re 18.

Currently, I have an 8-year-old son and a 10-year-old daughter, so those stats stopped me in my tracks. A pit developed in my stomach, and I started looking for a magic wand to stop time.  I immediately thought of those Facebook posts that occur at the end of a child’s senior year shared by their parents. You know, the ones I mean… a picture of a five-year-old getting on the big yellow school bus on the first day of kindergarten.  Big smiles.  Hair combed perfectly. Giant backpack and lunch in hand. Right next to that picture is a current picture of that same child all grown up, ready to head to college.  (Insert tears).

After the kids went to bed, those statistics led me to peruse the years of memories we had made.  Thousands of pictures and hundreds of videos that ranged from common everyday activities to milestones. In the pictures, the kids were so little, so dependent … so present.  Seemingly every picture had the kids at just arm's length away from Dad.  In those pictures, I looked at all those “messes” in the playroom that at the time, frustrated me.  I saw the food all over their clothes as they sat and ate their grandma's homemade sauce. 

I admit that this was difficult, as it reminded me that the above statistics are not only true, they are currently unfolding at a rate that makes me uncomfortable as I write this.  The Greeks had a term for this, nostalgia.  Two Greek words make up this term: nostos (return) and algos (pain).  The idea is as follows, the suffering evoked by the desire to return to one's place of origin.  As much as we would like to stop time, we do not possess the power to do so. Life moves only in one direction, and that is forward.  We cannot return.  We can only reminisce.  We can look back with perspective on the gifts that God provided for us. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us of this, “To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”  

I do a lot of visiting, and during those visits, folks at the later stage of life always reminisce. They tell stories of life while they were young, how they met their spouse, and trips that they took with the family.  It usually ends with a half-joking comment as they look into the distance and say, “How did everything go so fast .” I recall something my dad used to say while I was growing up, “Son, the days are slow, but the years are fast.”  When I was growing up, I never understood what he meant. Now, as an adult with little children, I not only understand it, I feel it. 

Remember Honus Wagner’s baseball card and why it sold for over 7 million dollars?  

It did so because of how rare it is. 

Rare things are costly. 

Rare things are precious. 

A prayer: 

Lord, teach us to number our days so we may grasp what is of true value.