A Story:
A little girl was standing in the kitchen holding two apples with both hands. One green. One red.
Her mom came in and softly asked her daughter with a smile, “Sweetie, could you give your mom one of your two apples?”
The little girl looked up at her mom for some seconds, then she suddenly took a quick bite of one apple, and then quickly of the other.
The mom felt the smile on her face freeze and her anger boiled over as she watched her daughter bite both apples. The mother then scolded her daughter and sat her in time-out.
After a few minutes, as the mother’s cool returned, she asked her daughter why she would bite both apples. The little girl explained that she bit the apple to find out which one of the two was sweeter for her to offer.
Lesson: Delay your judgment so that you may find out the reality of the situation. Mismanaging conflict notoriously leads to deeper problems such as: destroying reputations, gossip, character assassination, and alienation from others.
There is a tremendous formula provided in the Bible that connects with the above story. Jesus teaches in Matthew 18:15, “If someone sins against you, go and confront them while the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won them back.” The original context of this passage is related to the Church, however, this principle can be applied broadly to most conflicts. This approach will ensure that you hear firsthand about the situation. During your time with the person, you can ask questions and find out many things that were assumed. For example, you may find out what the person’s motives were or if there was any miscommunication. At the end of the day, you may still not see eye to eye, but this approach at least allows the parties to share with one another.
If the mother had been curious about her daughter’s behavior, rather than jumped to conclusions, she would have praised her child for being so considerate. Instead, her assumptions led to punishment.
