Working on a Dream




Tuesday, January 29, 2013

"I Love You Because _____" Saving your Marriage, Part 3

OK, I get it.  
You want more material on how to have a great marriage.  Today, I will be writing my third installment of my, "Saving your Marriage" series and will be drawing from a resource that has proven very fertile for my mind.  It is Craig Groeschel's interesting book titled, "Weird."  Yes. That is the title, and yes, only a weird person like myself would choose to read a book with that weird of a title.

Titles aside; Groeschel hits a home run in the middle of his book when he starts writing about relationships.  When you transition from a dating relationship to a married one; a lot of things change.  If you are reading this and have been married for a while, then I do not have to explain that last sentence. On the other hand, if you have not walked down the aisle before, then I've decided to leave you in your pre-marital bliss.  One of the quotes that I really enjoyed is, "If the grass looks greener somewhere else, it's time to water your own lawn."  

That statement is something for you to take in and really understand if you want a healthy marriage.  Think for a moment about any area in your life that you can stop working on and still see growth?  No matter how attractive you find your spouse, no matter the amount of money your spouse makes; it is human nature to peer over the fence of self-delusion from time to time.
Another aspect that I really love about the above quote is how it places the responsibility squarely on your shoulders.  It leaves no room for excuses.  So here is my advice:  If you have a problem in your marriage, fix it.  If you can't see eye-to-eye on an issue, then fight it out until you are both seeing 20/20.  We live an a throw away culture.  If it isn't brand stinkin' new, with all the latest and greatest parts then it is old and should be replaced.  Not so with marriage.  The vows you took are sacred and deserve your effort.   Marriage is a full time job; don't be surprised if it falls apart when you treat it like a part-time burden.

NYC: Central Park
Let's get practical for a moment.
I want to share with you simple advice that you can do to start saving your marriage right now.
MEN:  Pretend this is Sport Center for a moment and really listen up:  Women love to be told how much you love them. Your wife wants to feel special and perhaps one of the greatest ways to accomplish this is to genuinely tell her how much you love her.  So the next time you see her, walk right up to her and say, "Insert Name here ...  I love you because ___________________ "
Fill in her name, tell her that you love her AND be sure to verbalize something specific that you love about her.  Here is a recent example:
Christen, I want to let you know that I love you because you made me breakfast in bed today.  It really meant a lot to me; I know that you didn't need to do that and I appreciate it.

WOMEN:   Pretend this is Lifetime (even writing that gives me the heeby-jeebies). Your husband wants to feel admired and perhaps one of the greatest ways to accomplish this is to genuinely tell him how much you esteem him.  So the next time you see him, walk right up to him and say this, "Insert Name here ... I admire you because ____________________"  Your man is sensitive regardless of how tough he pretends to be.  I'll give you an example of something Christen said to me recently:
Anthony, I really admire your strength. And when I say "strength" I am not referring to your huge bulging muscles, I am talking about your inner strength.  

Speak to one another in this manner and watch how this simple phrase helps save your marriage.


David Leonhardt said...

The grass only looks greener on the other side of the fence because you are looking from a more oblique angle and can't see as much ground (earth) between the blades as you can when looking at the grass beneath your feet.

Anthony Kladitis said...

David, Me thinks you are on to something!